my life is an ongoing experiment in bad decisions.

andrea and i were talking about this in costco today. it's so true. sometimes you just need to do it. also we went to the ballroom dance concert at uvu. it was super weird watching it and not being in it. i really miss dancing. i'm glad that i'll be able to next semester. hopefully my health stops being a jerk.


www.nataliedee.com

again!


i am not invisible. i am a real live girl with real live feelings that, shock of shocks, can get hurt. i don't disappear when you ignore me or push me away. that might be easier for you, but it sure as hell isn't easy for me. i hate walking on eggshells and being pushed away and not talked to. this, this right here is why i was alone. this is why i don't do things with people, why i don't want anyone to know where my house is. being lonely is a whole lot easier when it's consistent loneliness. this is a damn mess. i have no idea where i stand with you. if you don't want to be with me, if it's too hard-tell me. don't keep picking me up and then throwing me down. i am a person and i deserve the respect of at least being communicated with. and i'm tired. i. am. tired. i'm tired of having my heart ache. of crying myself to sleep because you're so hot and cold with me. this isn't fair. either you're in or you're out. you need to decide. because i care about you a lot. i think this could be great. but right now i need to care about myself more and if you're not all the way in, then get the hell out.