this is not how my new years went, but someday it will :)
happy new years everybody! may 2010 be the year you've been waiting for. quit sitting on your butt, wishing you had done things and for your life to be a certain way. get out there and live the life you've always wanted. the only one stopping you from having the best year ever is you. good luck and keep me posted on your adventures. i'll sure let you know mine!
fun fact #39: when i was little i was in love with sea otters. one time we went to the monterrey bay aquarium and i stayed at the otter area for like an hour. then my parents wouldn't buy me the most adorable sea otter stuffed animal ever and i was sad. but then somehow i got it. i hope it's because i was good and not that i whined til i got it. my parents didn't really give in to crap like that so i'm pretty sure it's cuz i was good.
also: baby penguins? hello, they are so stinking cute. what if a sea otter and a penguin mated? it would be called...a sea pengott. and its cuteness would blind you.
it was so awesome. the effects were incredible!!! seriously, it'll make all special effects before seem like something your little brother did while dicking around on the computer. we saw it in 3d which made it ever cooler! just try not to sit by some gross old smokers who talk during the entire movie-it'll make it way more enjoyable :)
merry christmas everybody! hope your day was wonderful! mine was pretty great, just really tired cuz i didn't go to sleep last night. however, i did get to build an entertainment center, so that was fun :) i really like building stuff-it makes me feel good. anyways. great christmas!
fun fact #9: when i get mad, my mouth gets really really small. as in, you almost can't see it small.
this is my family at christmas. we love each other so much that we want to kill each other a little bit on christmas. it's kind funny, but i hate it at the same time. hopefully tomorrow will be better :)
merry christmas eve everybody. and to all a good night.
after driving back up to provo at six in the morning on scary snowy roads, two ultrasounds, one ct-scan (complete with injection of contrast that makes you feel like you're eating metal and about to pee your pants & drinking a huge thing of another contrast thing that tastes like funky, chunky berry-ish milk), and four hours in a freezing cold waiting room, i have great news on the health front everybody: i don't have cancer, pancreatitis, or gall stones. which is wonderful, immensely relieving news. what's sucky news is that they still don't know what's wrong with me. stab in the dark at bacterial stomach infection which = two weeks of antibiotics. and everyone keeps making me feel stupid and saying it's probably just anxiety.
it's not just anxiety.
but all the same, hopefully the antibiotics work. i'm so sick so sick of feeling tired and oh so tired feeling sick.
three cheers to my mom for driving up and back with me, she is the best mom on earth!
changed my facebook status, let's haaaaave a dtrrrrrrr, he didn't call, three french kisses, something something something, and a ticket to the dollar movie.
i was just thinking today that whenever life gets crappy, i just need to think: at least a crazy lady didn't come to my house, drug me, and then steal my baby out of my stomach like on private practice. that shiz is crrrrzzzy.
so jazmin's ugly sweater christmas party was tonight and it was really fun! everyone came in their ugly swag and played games and had a great time. my sweater was child size so that was most excellent. anyways, a+ shindig jazi jaz. bravo.
also: i am very exhausted. so this is a short post. my apologies...
i'm finally home! i drove home this morning and got here around 3. then i played the prelude/wedding march at stephbax's wedding. it went pretty well i think :) when i play in front of large groups of people i get really nervous and my hands get freezing cold and shakey. i had a couple of tiny messups, but i think i'm the only one that noticed. it was a really nice ceremony...
today's been kind of a rough day-i feel super nauseous (which is pretty much the norm for me for the last 2 months unfortunately) and my brain feels like it's going to explode. so...that stinks:( hopefully it goes away while i'm sleeping!
also i learned a new game called scrud. you play it on a pool table and it is way fun. i am really bad at it though. to the point where we made a special rule that should have made me win but still was the first one out haha!
fun fact #496: sometimes when i'm driving, i make up poems in my head. they are usually not nice. or very good. haha :) here's one i 'wrote' the other day...
(composed on i-15 between university parkway and american fork main street.)
in the land of passive aggressive you are the king the crap that you pulled was the stupidest thing i ever have seen it really was mean
i now feel invisible it's stupid and pitiful
i'm sick and tired of feeling this way it hurts and it's lonely and totally gay so if you're an a-hole just please stay away thank you and have a very nice day.
the end.
you're welcome for enriching your life just now. also, that was edited because my mom reads this and i told her i wouldn't say anything too bad...
thanks to mallory for this (arrow pointing down)
seriously, best mix you've ever made me. i can't get this song out of my head. love it and you.
fun fact about me #64: i know the lyrics to almost every weird al song by heart. the very first weird al song i heard was 'trigger happy' on a mix tape made by the gibbs family for the first baer trip from san jose to utah. it's been true love ever since. here's to you al.
monday - take history 2700 final 11-1, work from 3 to whenever, study for history 2710 final & psychology tuesday - take history 2710 final 9-11, study psychology, work @ 3 and sleep over wednesday - take psychology final, work 3 to whenever thursday - take film final early in the day so the testing center isn't completely ridiculous, work from 3 to whenever (last day=weird) friday - go home!!!! early morning, practice with nolan when i get home, play stephbax wedding at 5ish saturday - don't worry about anything anymore, do whatever i want.
so if you want to play with me before 2010, you better get on it, cuz i leave in 5 days!!!
i had a great day just hanging out with danny today. first he made me breakfast (at noon, still counts). it was this taiwanese thing that he loved on his mission. i was a little nervous because soy sauce in the morning? really could go either way...but it was stinking delicious!!! they are called danbing. in chinese it looks like this: 蛋餅 very yummy! then we did a little christmas shopping, that was a lot of fun. we finished up with some five guys burgers and fries for dinner and rented 'the brothers bloom'. i liked it a lot, it kinda reminded me of 'the wendall baker story'. just kinda quirky. i would recommend it.
it's been so fun having danny up here the past couple days, i'm really glad he was able to come. he's one of my best friends in the whole world and it's been awesome having him all to myself:) i'm so excited to go home for christmas!!! four finals and five days...i can make it!
andrea and jon ware are some of my favorite people in the whole wide world. andrea is the queen of curses. and pedi-smiles.
me and danny!
my roommate teddy roosevelt
me and teddy, just moustachein around
em & adorby ily!
ily is my favorite baby ever
i got to see mal at the mall for a second, then she drove home and ran a 5k in the snow. cuz you're not hardcore unless you live hardcore.
thanks to everyone who made my birthday so special! we started out the evening with dinner at california pizza kitchen (andrea and i had tostada pizza-yum!) which was sooo fun. then we came back to the hapt and played ninja (apparently i'm dumber than a child cuz i couldn't understand how to play), silent football, and curses. we also ate my ninja turtle cake and i opened some presents. it was a really fun night and it was so fun seeing everyone! i love all y'all:)
i really love ingrid michaelson. everything about her is great. she writes her own songs with great lyrics, she plays her own stuff and her voice is awesome. i discovered this song on pandora the other day and it's been stuck in my head for a few days. she is just way cool:)
additionally: my brother is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm going to try the 5 things that are going good thing again...
1-i have the best friends in the world a-i live with the best roommate/best friend a girl could ask for. seriously. she even wrote me a song and decorated our dryer to make me feel better. how many people can say that? b-emme and jon let me come over at all hours of the night (and morning) to sob on their couch and let me hold their baby. c- jay, mal, nolan, steph: i know you guys have my back no matter what, threats and plots of attack included :) d-danny and jaz: best friends forever (literally, we're sealed:) ) 2-i'm pretty sure ily and i are psychically linked. so sorry she had a rough night last night too em...seriously though, baby ily is like medicine for me. even if i'm completely freaking out, holding her makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. 3-i got my birthday off of school and work 4-the utah state senate is making it possible for me to go see a specialist. maybe i'll vote next year as a thank you. 5-i have the most supportive parents ever that are always trying to remind/convince me that i matter. and that life will get better.
so friday night brandon opened for david hopkins at velour. musically, it was a great night. i really liked david hopkins. this song has been on my mind so i thought i'd share it with you. it's not the best recording, but it was the only version i could find on youtube.
there was a man who was taken down from a position of respect in a new york town he always thought he was one step out ahead with a long history of recklessness he went down kicking screaming in a prostitution mess scientists and politicos analyzed it with his wife to his right he apologized she was choking on tears i could see her eyes but she stood by his side she knows we all fall down sometimes
there was a strange case in wichita the police the sheriff and a little crowbar and a little crowd of fascinated media and when they put the question to that man he said that 'real life love doesn't make no plan' he said that 'real life love doesn't take anything for granted' she would rather be dead than face her fears locked herself in the bathroom for two years but he stood by her side cuz he knows we all fall down sometimes
i ain't (i can't understand what he says here) just because you survive don't make you strong i cast the first stone at you i have used my last known alibi
you said the first word i ever heard you're the first thing i ever cared about the first eyes i ever looked into for the first time i feel like i am waking up for the first time i feel like i am come unstuck for the first time i feel like this is the one for me and you
when i fell to the curbside you found me fed me soup from a breadbowl and made me tea you always sleep by my side because you know we all fall down sometimes we all fall down sometimes
andrea and i were talking about this in costco today. it's so true. sometimes you just need to do it. also we went to the ballroom dance concert at uvu. it was super weird watching it and not being in it. i really miss dancing. i'm glad that i'll be able to next semester. hopefully my health stops being a jerk.
i am not invisible. i am a real live girl with real live feelings that, shock of shocks, can get hurt. i don't disappear when you ignore me or push me away. that might be easier for you, but it sure as hell isn't easy for me. i hate walking on eggshells and being pushed away and not talked to. this, this right here is why i was alone. this is why i don't do things with people, why i don't want anyone to know where my house is. being lonely is a whole lot easier when it's consistent loneliness. this is a damn mess. i have no idea where i stand with you. if you don't want to be with me, if it's too hard-tell me. don't keep picking me up and then throwing me down. i am a person and i deserve the respect of at least being communicated with. and i'm tired. i. am. tired. i'm tired of having my heart ache. of crying myself to sleep because you're so hot and cold with me. this isn't fair. either you're in or you're out. you need to decide. because i care about you a lot. i think this could be great. but right now i need to care about myself more and if you're not all the way in, then get the hell out.
i'm just about psychologied out. i read over 100 pages of my psych textbook and took exam 2 (82%-not too shabby). tomorrow's plan is 2 two page papers and at least one (if not two) chapters for exam three. think i can do it? i do.
here's a fun little fact about me: the movie war of the worlds freaks me the heck out. it is so scary to me. i can't even watch the little promos for it during commercial breaks on bones. thank goodness for dvr:)
did you know that you can identify time of death from the vitreous humor (liquid in the eye)? the things you can learn from watching bones:)
my birthday is in less than two weeks, can you believe it?! for my birthday i would like two have like a two week medically induced coma where my body magically cures itself. or harry potter 7 in hardcover. or a thousand dollars. or a dog (to be more specific-ced).
you know what i want right now? fries. probably from either my school's cafeteria or the hospital.
