if you skip seasons heroes your brain will explode.

wow.

i am not a jack johnson song.

my life is a disaster of epic proportions.



1:23 - 2:00 is how i feel.

i'm going to try the 5 things that are going good thing again...

1-i have the best friends in the world
a-i live with the best roommate/best friend a girl could ask for. seriously. she even wrote me a song and decorated our dryer to make me feel better. how many people can say that?
b-emme and jon let me come over at all hours of the night (and morning) to sob on their couch and let me hold their baby.
c- jay, mal, nolan, steph: i know you guys have my back no matter what, threats and plots of attack included :)
d-danny and jaz: best friends forever (literally, we're sealed:) )
2-i'm pretty sure ily and i are psychically linked. so sorry she had a rough night last night too em...seriously though, baby ily is like medicine for me. even if i'm completely freaking out, holding her makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
3-i got my birthday off of school and work
4-the utah state senate is making it possible for me to go see a specialist. maybe i'll vote next year as a thank you.
5-i have the most supportive parents ever that are always trying to remind/convince me that i matter. and that life will get better.

q: what did i dig my car out of the snow with this morning? a: a dust pan i found in the garage and my dixie state id card

the terms motivation and emotion both come from the Latin word movere, which means "to move." i think that's pretty interesting, don't you?


www.nataliedee.com

oh yeah, also fml. with a fermata on top. that means forever, just in case you don't speak music.

let's put it to a vote: who thinks i should move away and/or kill myself til i die from it?

so far it's stay here: 0 move/die: 1

[update: the score is now stay here: 2 move/die: 2]

i prefer consistency.

so friday night brandon opened for david hopkins at velour. musically, it was a great night. i really liked david hopkins. this song has been on my mind so i thought i'd share it with you. it's not the best recording, but it was the only version i could find on youtube.



there was a man who was taken down
from a position of respect in a new york town
he always thought he was one step out ahead
with a long history of recklessness
he went down kicking screaming in a prostitution mess
scientists and politicos analyzed it
with his wife to his right he apologized
she was choking on tears i could see her eyes
but she stood by his side
she knows we all fall down sometimes

there was a strange case in wichita
the police the sheriff and a little crowbar
and a little crowd of fascinated media
and when they put the question to that man
he said that 'real life love doesn't make no plan'
he said that 'real life love doesn't take anything for granted'
she would rather be dead than face her fears
locked herself in the bathroom for two years
but he stood by her side
cuz he knows we all fall down sometimes

i ain't (i can't understand what he says here)
just because you survive don't make you strong
i cast the first stone at you
i have used my last known alibi

you said the first word i ever heard
you're the first thing i ever cared about
the first eyes i ever looked into
for the first time i feel like i am waking up
for the first time i feel like i am come unstuck
for the first time i feel like this is the one for me and you

when i fell to the curbside you found me
fed me soup from a breadbowl and made me tea
you always sleep by my side
because you know we all fall down sometimes
we all fall down sometimes

my life is an ongoing experiment in bad decisions.

andrea and i were talking about this in costco today. it's so true. sometimes you just need to do it. also we went to the ballroom dance concert at uvu. it was super weird watching it and not being in it. i really miss dancing. i'm glad that i'll be able to next semester. hopefully my health stops being a jerk.


www.nataliedee.com

again!


i am not invisible. i am a real live girl with real live feelings that, shock of shocks, can get hurt. i don't disappear when you ignore me or push me away. that might be easier for you, but it sure as hell isn't easy for me. i hate walking on eggshells and being pushed away and not talked to. this, this right here is why i was alone. this is why i don't do things with people, why i don't want anyone to know where my house is. being lonely is a whole lot easier when it's consistent loneliness. this is a damn mess. i have no idea where i stand with you. if you don't want to be with me, if it's too hard-tell me. don't keep picking me up and then throwing me down. i am a person and i deserve the respect of at least being communicated with. and i'm tired. i. am. tired. i'm tired of having my heart ache. of crying myself to sleep because you're so hot and cold with me. this isn't fair. either you're in or you're out. you need to decide. because i care about you a lot. i think this could be great. but right now i need to care about myself more and if you're not all the way in, then get the hell out.

i'd like to live with you in an igloo.

today was a weird day. right now i'm tired and cold. i'm going to bed...

14 degrees? you have got to be kidding me.

i'm just about psychologied out. i read over 100 pages of my psych textbook and took exam 2 (82%-not too shabby). tomorrow's plan is 2 two page papers and at least one (if not two) chapters for exam three. think i can do it? i do.

here's a fun little fact about me: the movie war of the worlds freaks me the heck out. it is so scary to me. i can't even watch the little promos for it during commercial breaks on bones. thank goodness for dvr:)