to achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.

i have been having crazy insomnia lately and it's really frustrating. and it's not 'i can't fall asleep because i'm watching tv or reading a book or whatever'. we're talking about me laying in bed, lights out, no sound, no anything, tossing and turning for hours. and that's not an exaggeration. true story: the other night i was in bed, lights out and everything, trying to fall asleep for four hours. i kid you not, i got into bed at midnight, and the last time i looked at the clock it was past four. it's awful. i can't get comfortable, my mind won't shut off, i'll almost be asleep and then i'll think i see/hear something that makes me wake up with my heart racing. i can't stand it anymore. it's getting to the point where i want to pay someone to hit me in the head hard enough to knock me out. or just some drugs, like ambien*. seriously, i'm so tired, but i can't fall asleep. help me!

*side note: ambien is some crazy stuff. i took it once in high school and wanted to finish the chapter of the book i was reading. wrong choice. all of a sudden, some words started popping out and some were receding, like one of those magic eye books. i'm pretty sure it was a dolphin that turned and winked at me. i stopped reading then and went to sleep. that's not the end though: turns out my then boyfriend called and i was super snotty to him on the phone, to the point where we almost broke up. i remember nothing of this conversation. it was crazy.