i want to tell you a story...
once upon a time, everyone had to swim up a river to get to where they wanted to go. there was a girl swimming in this river. it was really hard because the river was cold, the current was fast, and the water was too deep to put her feet down. she would swim so hard for so long and look at the shore and feel like she hadn't gone very far at all. this was really disheartening, but she kept swimming as hard as she could. but soon enough she got tired. tired of swimming so hard. tired of being cold. tired of looking at the shore and feeling like she was going no where. and she started to feel like she was drowning. it was really scary, but she was so tired that she thought, "maybe i'll just stop swimming and let the current carry me downstream." just as she thought that, a boat floated next to her. the person in the boat said, "you look tired. hold onto the boat and i will help you fight the current." so she did. the boat didn't make her go up stream any easier or faster, but it helped her not to drown and to gather her strength up to try again. so she kept swimming. and after that she noticed-whenever she felt so tired that she couldn't keep trying, a boat would come and help her to gather her strength to try again.
ever had one of those days where life is just so overwhelming that you feel like you're drowning? it's like there's this hole in your chest and you can't breathe. today was one of those days. see, i have a tendency to force myself to glide through life and not let myself care about or get invested in people or things. i fool myself into believing it's easier that way, like novacaine for feelings. the problem with that it is it's not living. and it's really tiring spending all that energy suppressing my feelings so i appear uninvolved. so i've been trying to live, to really feel emotions, whether they be good or bad, happy or sad. most of the time it's great. but the disappointment that can accompany actually caring can knock the wind out of you. it's something that can make you feel like it's not worth it to keep trying because trying seems to lead only to let downs and discouragement.
lucky for me, today i had a boat. and i was reminded that for better or worse, feeling is better than being constantly numb. and that the bitter makes the sweet all the more so.
once upon a time, everyone had to swim up a river to get to where they wanted to go. there was a girl swimming in this river. it was really hard because the river was cold, the current was fast, and the water was too deep to put her feet down. she would swim so hard for so long and look at the shore and feel like she hadn't gone very far at all. this was really disheartening, but she kept swimming as hard as she could. but soon enough she got tired. tired of swimming so hard. tired of being cold. tired of looking at the shore and feeling like she was going no where. and she started to feel like she was drowning. it was really scary, but she was so tired that she thought, "maybe i'll just stop swimming and let the current carry me downstream." just as she thought that, a boat floated next to her. the person in the boat said, "you look tired. hold onto the boat and i will help you fight the current." so she did. the boat didn't make her go up stream any easier or faster, but it helped her not to drown and to gather her strength up to try again. so she kept swimming. and after that she noticed-whenever she felt so tired that she couldn't keep trying, a boat would come and help her to gather her strength to try again.
ever had one of those days where life is just so overwhelming that you feel like you're drowning? it's like there's this hole in your chest and you can't breathe. today was one of those days. see, i have a tendency to force myself to glide through life and not let myself care about or get invested in people or things. i fool myself into believing it's easier that way, like novacaine for feelings. the problem with that it is it's not living. and it's really tiring spending all that energy suppressing my feelings so i appear uninvolved. so i've been trying to live, to really feel emotions, whether they be good or bad, happy or sad. most of the time it's great. but the disappointment that can accompany actually caring can knock the wind out of you. it's something that can make you feel like it's not worth it to keep trying because trying seems to lead only to let downs and discouragement.
lucky for me, today i had a boat. and i was reminded that for better or worse, feeling is better than being constantly numb. and that the bitter makes the sweet all the more so.
1 comment:
i love your blog. It's a little bit of everything. Congrats on living :)
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