this morning i took a nap with my favorite dog

guess who is an official college (half way) grad?!

me:)

in other news, today i drove away from the most beautiful day (50+ degrees, bright blue sky with puffy white clouds) back towards the cold gray wasteland that is provo in february. i left a little piece of my heart there. o weather-be good to me in march please, quit being a tease.

i. am. an. idiot.

genius idea of the day: going blonde. (inspiration-lexie grey)

i look like a zebra.
(kinda like this girl)

fail.

the internet at 88 orchard lane is awful

this is going to be quite short due to the title of this post. here are some quotes i found today that i really like:

"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."

"sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

man, it feels good to be home!

mr. grumpy gills

i want to tell you a story...

once upon a time, everyone had to swim up a river to get to where they wanted to go. there was a girl swimming in this river. it was really hard because the river was cold, the current was fast, and the water was too deep to put her feet down. she would swim so hard for so long and look at the shore and feel like she hadn't gone very far at all. this was really disheartening, but she kept swimming as hard as she could. but soon enough she got tired. tired of swimming so hard. tired of being cold. tired of looking at the shore and feeling like she was going no where. and she started to feel like she was drowning. it was really scary, but she was so tired that she thought, "maybe i'll just stop swimming and let the current carry me downstream." just as she thought that, a boat floated next to her. the person in the boat said, "you look tired. hold onto the boat and i will help you fight the current." so she did. the boat didn't make her go up stream any easier or faster, but it helped her not to drown and to gather her strength up to try again. so she kept swimming. and after that she noticed-whenever she felt so tired that she couldn't keep trying, a boat would come and help her to gather her strength to try again.

ever had one of those days where life is just so overwhelming that you feel like you're drowning? it's like there's this hole in your chest and you can't breathe. today was one of those days. see, i have a tendency to force myself to glide through life and not let myself care about or get invested in people or things. i fool myself into believing it's easier that way, like novacaine for feelings. the problem with that it is it's not living. and it's really tiring spending all that energy suppressing my feelings so i appear uninvolved. so i've been trying to live, to really feel emotions, whether they be good or bad, happy or sad. most of the time it's great. but the disappointment that can accompany actually caring can knock the wind out of you. it's something that can make you feel like it's not worth it to keep trying because trying seems to lead only to let downs and discouragement.

lucky for me, today i had a boat. and i was reminded that for better or worse, feeling is better than being constantly numb. and that the bitter makes the sweet all the more so.

to achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.

i have been having crazy insomnia lately and it's really frustrating. and it's not 'i can't fall asleep because i'm watching tv or reading a book or whatever'. we're talking about me laying in bed, lights out, no sound, no anything, tossing and turning for hours. and that's not an exaggeration. true story: the other night i was in bed, lights out and everything, trying to fall asleep for four hours. i kid you not, i got into bed at midnight, and the last time i looked at the clock it was past four. it's awful. i can't get comfortable, my mind won't shut off, i'll almost be asleep and then i'll think i see/hear something that makes me wake up with my heart racing. i can't stand it anymore. it's getting to the point where i want to pay someone to hit me in the head hard enough to knock me out. or just some drugs, like ambien*. seriously, i'm so tired, but i can't fall asleep. help me!

*side note: ambien is some crazy stuff. i took it once in high school and wanted to finish the chapter of the book i was reading. wrong choice. all of a sudden, some words started popping out and some were receding, like one of those magic eye books. i'm pretty sure it was a dolphin that turned and winked at me. i stopped reading then and went to sleep. that's not the end though: turns out my then boyfriend called and i was super snotty to him on the phone, to the point where we almost broke up. i remember nothing of this conversation. it was crazy.

i have an announcement

and it is called:

in the bathroom at macey's grocery store, the automatic towel dispenser gives you sooooo much towel. you know how most of the time those things give you like three inches of towel to dry your soaking wet hands? well macey's is not stupid like that. so if you have to go to the bathroom at a grocery store, pick macey's.

in other news-i am real tired. (betcha couldn't tell!)

but keeping is doting and nothing and nonsense

alright, i've made two decisions and they're both about flowers.

1-i want a window box outside my kitchen window. i'm not quite sure how to put one up there so i need a boy to come do it for me.

2-i want to work at a flower shop. flowers make me feel so happy and i just feel like it would be fun, even if it wasn't much money.


also this picture makes me want to throw a party...you can't wait for summer-trust me :)

this is the story of a girl

so i came across this song while looking for the song "(i've got) beginner's luck" by ella fitzgerald [<-that version was on private practice this week.] and it's so awesome! i feel like if my life was a movie, this would be in it. i like his raspy voice.

speaking of private practice...so sam gave a toast at mya's wedding and just knocked it out of the park. in it he talks about how when mya was a little girl, she told him she wanted to marry him (her dad). he asked why and she says (something to the effect of), "because you're my anyways friend, daddy." he asks what that means and she tells him that even when she does stupid things or messes up or whatever, he still loves her anyways.

...

did your soul just melt?! that is just the best thing i've ever heard. i have some great anyways friends...you know who you are :)

i've been expecting you...

fun fact about ris #298: i apparently have an overactive imagination.

...gratitude...
1. rainbow bed
2. baby girl
3. 20 days
4. i get to see my dad next week
5. i'm not dead
6. i have dvr
7. toby is working great
8. even when i have crazy dreams about my teeth falling out, they are still there when i wake up
9. nice boys that take me to church
10. laser pointer

i miss/need my mom. who wants to chip in some gas money so i can go home?

seriously, who watches private practice-i need to discuss!

things that made me laugh today:

"i'll love you to the end of time, at which point i'm not sure what technically happens."

"you are the apple of my eye, not my lunch. that'd be cannibalism."

"mom..."

"when i was thirty people used to wish i was dead to my face...that's called respect."

sunshine...on my shoulders...makes me happy...and being cold DOES NOT. yeah, i'm pretty sure that's how the song goes.

dear spring,

i love you so much. come back to me is my request.

love, ris


it was 66 degrees in st george today. where i live it snowed.

:(

an ode to my idiocy

falling asleep on the small couch
will make you wake up a grouch.
so if you feel tired after watching some tv
at two in the morning then listen to me:

don't close your eyes
saying soon you'll rise
and go get in your own bed.
cuz six hours later
you'll wake up a hater
and wish you'd have listened to what i just said.

fin.

with glow sticks and phase ten all night

www.nataliedee.com

this makes me want to go camping :( oh february, why are you so cold? no me gusta...

u-s-a! u-s-a!

i love the olympics more than the legal amount of loving. what better way to celebrate the dead presidents of america than watching cross country skiing for hours? god bless america. now go watch some curling.

chinese, love & america-the holiday weekend trifecta

happy chinese new year and being in love day-hope they were everything you wanted and more :)

tired eyes.

oh man. i am tired to the max. i went to bed at like 3:30 last night and then woke up at 7:30 to walk up a mountain in the snow (in sandals) to help out a friend. it was waaay cold, but it was nice to meet new friends and the view was beautiful:) and tonight i went to the stake valentine's thing with luke, matt & darrell. it was super fun and i danced my face off, but now i'm just completely exhausted! must...sleep.......

what the what

today i...

-lead a discussion in a history class
-went roller skating
-made some new bff's
-ate ice cream
-watched some mike birbiglia & cloudy with a chance of meatballs
-am so tired i'm about to fall asleep at my computer as i type this


it was a great day :)

and now...the moment you've all been waiting for...

25 things before i'm 25

1. go to hawaii
2. read the book of mormon
3. throw someone i love a giant surprise party
4. read pride and prejudice
5. get a 4.0 spring semester
6. pay off 1/3 of my debt
7. go to the dentist
8. throw a christmas party
9. get a massage
10. get in touch with my best friends from high school
11. get into the education program
12. run a 5k
13. make a music video with jazmin
14. learn to like fruit
15. do something fun for halloween
16. throw a murder mystery party
17. go to the temple at least once a month
18. throw an awesome backyard tea party
19. go to disneyland (for free!)
20. read 2 classic books
21. see 2 classic movies
22. go fishing
23. compete in a ballroom competition
24. reboot game night2.0
25. be freaking awesome

i wrote a paper about this once...

my favorite color is see through

so i was thinking about super powers today and i decided that invisibility would totally suck. i mean, maybe, maybe, if you could turn it off and on it could be useful. however, just always being invisible would be terrible. don't ask me how i came to this conclusion...

i think i have to give sam parr credit for the best super power: always having exact change.


www.nataliedee.com

this gives me an idea: super hero party? yes or no? lame or awesome?

and now i don't think i won't not go to bed.

i want this to be in my house.

poor peyton:(

jaz's favorite super bowl commercial:



today was fun! all (well, not all-st george peeps couldn't make it) my favorites came to my super bowl party. yummy food, great game and fun friends? what more could a girl ask for, really?

i love brunch.

em and i just watched a living nightmare: toddlers and tiaras. it's like a horrific car accident-you want to look away, but you just have to see how bad it is. well guess what: it's real bad.



yikes.

i like my odds :)

After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.

I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope.

ugh. i freaking love grey's.

beeeeeeep

the blog you are searching for doesn't exist because the blogger (bloggette?) is currently suffering from brain explodation caused by reading 200 pages of middle ages british literature, including but not limited to:

1-a story about a guy who kisses a married woman's butt (literally, not figuratively=gross), then falls off a ladder because her lover farts in his face. before he falls, he smacks the lover on the butt with a red hot poker, whose screaming wakes up the married ladies' husband who was sleeping in a tub hanging in his barn, awaiting the flood 2.0.
2-a story about a knight who ravishes a girl, then is punished by the queen to wander the countryside for a year to find out what women really want (yikes. this is the punishment for rape in the middle ages...not cool chaucer, not cool.) and if he doesn't find out he'll be killed. a hag tells him it's power, but that he has to marry her since she told him the answer. so he's let off the hook on the whole 'being killed' thing, but then the hag (his wife) tells him she will either be smoking hot and unfaithful or ugly and true to him. he tells her he's learned his lesson and that she can decide so lucky him, he gets a hot faithful wife. what a noble knight. (not).
3-two different accounts of crazy women who have visions of jesus and are seriously off their rockers.

ugh. i do not really like british lit before 1800.

you make me touch your hand for stupid reasons!!!

you. are. welcome.

(ps. do you want to come do my laundry? i feel like you do...)

guess who is not a leper

today's highpoints:

*i woke up at the butt crack of stupid and had kneaders french toast with jordan (totally worth it-yum!)
there are few things that can get me out of bed before 10...french toast and a cute boy are on that very short list ;)
*rocked it on jeopardy (i'm trying out for college jeopardy next week-woot!)

*watched 'speed racer' on the comfy couch (and it was so rad! the colors were amazing!! so pretty!)

*laughed my face off watching how i met your mother with fake parents ;)

btw, happy groundhog day! (phil totally screwed us...six more weeks of winter? that groundhog is a total buttface.)

rabbit rabbit

so i was going to do a little update about how i'm doing on my new years resolutions, but i decided i need to change a few of them because they are no longer realistic. (why they aren't is a loooong story that unless you're related to me or are my fake parents you won't know.) anyways. i decided to go a different way with the whole goal thing and i'm going to reveal it on february eleventh [start getting pumped:)]

anyways. in other news...

i. got. a. job.

no more funemployment for me. it seems like it's going to be a great fit though; i'm going to be a grader for the online version of a film class i took last semester. super part time, but at least it's something, right? i'm pretty excited. it will be nice to see my bank account not depleting at such an accelerated rate:)

anyways, i better get to bed-i've gotta wake up at the butt crack of stupid for my favorite treat i almost never get to have: french toast. or in anti-french "freedom toast".