so one of my professors had to fly back to maine to get her cat and canceled her class today, so i just had one 9 am class. andrea's out of town with family, so i basically spent the entire day by myself watching gilmore girls (laughing out loud. for reals, laughing. out loud. alone in my room), eating sandwiches, watching project runway for a minute, watching chelsea handler have a freak-out panic attack (repeatedly)...and i realized something: i like being alone.
now, that may sound a little pathetic to some, but it's a victory for me. in connecticut, i used to do all sorts of things alone and i was fine. i had monday off and no one else did, so i was always flying solo and i kinda loved it. i could do whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted to do it. but then i moved back to utah and became miss co-dependent. i don't know when exactly it happened, but i stopped being able to do stuff by myself. grocery shopping, normal shopping, church, the movies, anything. i didn't want to be by myself.
but here's the problem with that: i was still by myself
most of the time. the only difference was that i resented it. instead of loving that i could do whatever, whenever, it just made me remember that i was alone and so i felt lonely. so i stopped doing things i wanted to do like movies and going shopping, saying i'd do them when someone could come with. so i started spending a whole lot of time at home. alone....k fine, i'll say it-pouting. being a total baby cuz i didn't have someone to do something with all the time.
guess what: that is so lame. i just needed some quality alone time to remember how much i like it. not that i don't want to hang out with friends, or go on dates, or be with my family. i just remember that i'm okay by myself. so alone is okay:) and you know what i did the other day? went to a movie. by myself.
loved it.
so next time you are feeling like it's lame to do something by yourself, just try it. you might just surprise yourself. it doesn't have to be a movie, that might take working up to. i would suggest baby steps. like watching gilmore girls and making a grilled cheese sandwich, driving to deseret book to flirt with the worker to get a free box to send your broken dvd player back to its maker in, or even watching some more gilmore girls...;)
tomorrow: homework-palooza. i'll let ya know how that works out...
